Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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