You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
