its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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