I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
