I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
