Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
