I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
