i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
