i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
