I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
