my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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