I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
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so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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