just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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