and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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