This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
