Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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