I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
