I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
