Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
