im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
