You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
