Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
