Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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