If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
