I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
