so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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