Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So. Much. Porn.
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