Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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