if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
try to milk me bitch
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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