Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
