Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
