I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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