I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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