So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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