I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am one with the molecules
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
