Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
