I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also, beer. Big fan.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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