at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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