Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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