yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
