but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize