is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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