I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
