I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
