Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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