He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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