God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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