Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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