i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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