Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
