Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You can't motorboat a personality
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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