I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
