I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
