The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
