The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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