I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
