Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
