so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
