i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
