you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just forgot I was standing up.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
