I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
