I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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