Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
