I want to make a zoo with you.
i already hear my dad disowning me
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
