Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
