I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
