More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
