last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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