We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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