you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Found the puke drawer
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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