508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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