The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
