If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
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i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
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they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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