I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
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I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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